Tuesday, August 31, 2010

On Rubber Fingers & Eyeballers (underrated/overrated series, 1st installment)

So much for socially relevant topics! Hahaha, this blog post is inspired by my little rubber finger as we girls call it at the office, the proper name actually being, a rubber "thimble" - no misnomer this time. That name's right on. I thought of coming up with my version of an underrated/overrated post...the idea hardly original, borrowed from what I believe is a regular feature of Strut magazine. Of course I was supposed to compile my own list of things, people and events to rate accordingly and I've been racking my brain all morning fruitlessly, until in a flash of genius, my attention was drawn to my nifty little rubber finger that I seem to misplace all the time, but somehow always turns up in either my purse, squished in either jean pocket, beneath my desk or even sometimes in it's actual proper designated spot in my desk drawer nestled on paper clips, beside the compartment for Post-its, oh, I mean no-name stickies! They're totally insignificant and sadly underrated in the greater scheme of things, but in both the girl-Friday and accountant's paper-filled world, they are the next best thing to sliced bread. They're available in different colors and sizes (I wear a size zero on my right middle finger) but always with the little protuberances, a bit like a prophylactic that we won't mention here. The often overlooked humble yet indispensable office staple comes in packs of a dozen for a dollar and they'll even throw in an extra one or two for free when their manufacturers are feeling especially generous, good thing! And square millimeter for square millimeter, they are grippier than Goodyear winter tires....quote me on everything else, except the last statement 'coz I made that one up!!!

On the other side of the table, you first heard of snorting alcohol and as if that isn't dumb enough, there's now what's called "eyeballing," totally overrated, it basically involves dousing the eye with 80-proof alcohol in the maddest method ever devised to get smashed. There is a certain British advocate of eyeballing whose only credit attached to his name is a dumb home-video circulating around Youtube of him engaging in this practice and screaming like a girl (totally putting me to shame!) from the subsequent stinging burn of the booze which in turn elicits low-pitched imbecillic guffaws from his equally dumb male-buddies. Despite the serious warning of the dire consequence of eyeballing, namely, going blind (whatever!), and a sobering explanation (forgive the pun) that all the alcohol does is wear away at the eye's protective covering and that very little alcohol is absorbed that way anyway, all by none other than a very concerned Dr. Ordon of The Doctors, during a brief telephone interview on the show, Bonehead there cockily insists that "he will continue to do it as long as he can, thank you very much." Talk about an utter lack of regard and respect for the God-given and priceless gift of sight! He can totally knock himself out eyeballing until he turns blue in the face, for all I care, but maybe he shouldn't post his idiotic antics up on Youtube 'coz then our kids see them and believe that it's tons of fun, as the pediatrician, Dr. James Sears, pointed out too on the show. Makes me want to save him all the trouble and not to mention, some perfectly good Grey Goose, and poke his eyeballs out myself with my rubber-thimbled fingers!!! Who's with me? Limber up!

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