Friday, June 4, 2010
Kumar: My favorite Metrosexual - Fifth Installment
7. You would never, ever own a pickup truck.
Kumar doesn't necessarily abhor pickup trucks...he just firmly believes that the only appropriate place to drive around in one is in the country. I couldn't agree more. But then, Kumar is also equally adamant that he would never never ever live in the country. What business does a city-slickin' urbanite metrosexual have doing in the boondocks anyways? Absolutely zilch. So do you follow the Aristotelian logic?
Premise: "Pickup trucks are for country" and "Kumar hates country"
Conclusion: "Kumar is metrosexual"
Kumar and I share a 2001 Honda Civic which frankly speaking, has seen better days. A few winters back when it was something like -20 degrees Celsius below zero out, Kumar unintentionally (well I would hope so!) drove the car into a snowbank/glacier if you will. Honestly, the fender merely grazed/"kissed" the snowbank, but because of the extreme cold, the fender was so frozen brittle that the impact caused it to just crack like an eggshell. Yes, we've been meaning to replace the damaged fender and had gotten quotes from both the dealer and from various bodyshops, but it just hasn't been a priority. Every year we would promise, "Ok, when we get our income tax return!" But somehow, we've never made good on it.
Personally, I find it annoying to drive around in it because I find people tend to pass judgment on me. Well, you know the stereotype: "Asians can't drive" to which of course there is a measure of truth. Heck, even I get incensed at them for making us collectively look really, really bad. I think it's debatable whether some of them should even be driving!!! But what's funny is that when I'm stationary at a red light, someone to either my left or right will invariably shoot wee little Asian girl me a worried glance, then shift their gaze to my broken fender, smirk and then immediately speed off once the light turns green in a desperate attempt, I suppose, to lose me...truly, do I really seem to pose such a threat??? Hello!! I am gaining on you!!!
The only reason why we keep our car is that by now, it's been fully paid. It's really really nice to have a breather from month after month after tiring month of car payments. The car has also been very reliable up until two months ago. That time we embarked on road trip to Toronto. Our itinerary of course included visits to every single reputable retail establishment we knew of: Yorkdale, Sherway Gardens, Vaughan Mills, Hartland, Square One, the Eaton Center and Bloor Street. Unfortunately, two days into our shopping expedition, our car stalled as if by fluke right in front of a transmission repair shop, as we were actually on our way to the Sherway Gardens. Incidentally, the owner of the shop was Filipino. Doesn't Kumar whisper into my ear and tell me to butter up to my fellow countryman or as we call "kababayan." Some nerve my hubby had to, only after seven years of marriage, pimp me out in exchange for a transmission job discount??? Oh, did I ever make him dearly suffer the consequences! He spent an entire month in the doghouse....
The truth is we are quickly outgrowing our little compact sedan. But neither will Kumar nor myself be caught dead driving a minivan (lol). Someone told me that you actually know you're getting old, when you find that station wagons look nice. I honestly don't mind them at all. Station wagons after all, have come a looong way from their hearse-like predecessors. I certainly would have no qualms whatsoever to play chauffeur all day to the hubby and kids, if I could drive around in style in a Volvo V70 or Audi A6 Avant or even a Toyota Venza (which I believe is actually a crossover) at the very least...no, I actually even find the hatchback style of the Matrix quite nifty when it comes to loading and unloading those clunky contraptions called baby strollers. Oh, but I must say that my ultimate indulgence would be an Infiniti FX35 the one like what my neighbour owns, the one I sooo sorely covet, the one that unbeknownst to them, I spend five minutes every night poring over, standing as close as I can in order to take in all of it's snazzy lines and curves and even smells without setting off it's alarm...
But I've veered off-tangent once again, haven't I? This post is supposed to be about Kumar. Yes, the marred appearance of our car really cramps Kumar's style. I actually see Kumar in only two European cars: either the Audi A4 or a beemer. Montreal streets just teem with three-series BMW's drivers. Every other car is one. But the metrosexual must stand out of course and ooze with style and class. So for Kumar it would have to be a five-series BMW at the bare minimum. I list only those two Europeans because really, I see Kumar more in American cars - there's just this classic, luxurious, appeal about them with their wood trim and leather interiors and simply elegant exterior styling. I see Kumar, in either a Cadillac CTS or an Escalade truck. But I really can't peg it down as to why...I just see him, you know, donning aviator glasses, monogrammed cuff n' one of his five pairs of signature Tateosian links peaking out of his made to measure suit, understated alligator-strapped watch around one wrist, dark hands clutching the steering wheel, Italian hand-crafted shoes clad feet flooring the gas...I just see him, don't you???